glinda: sam and janet (friends)
[personal profile] glinda posting in [community profile] stargate_love
Title: Suddenly, Pirates!
Character: Cassie Fraiser, Janet Fraiser, Sam Carter
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Nothing specific, set late season 6/early season 7 maybe
Word Count: 448
Summary: Because Christmas shopping isn't traumatic enough all by itself.
Notes: Written for fandom stocking from a prompt expressing a desire for any kind of AU including of the 'suddenly: pirates' variety. I'm not entirely sure that this is actually an AU but it is rather silly.


Cassie could hear voices as she unlocked the front door which meant that she wasn't first home so she'd have to do a mad dash to get her Christmas shopping hidden away safely upstairs.

She stopped short as she passed the kitchen door. It wasn't the fact that her mum and Sam were sitting on the floor of the kitchen, looking vaguely traumatised and surrounded by shopping bags. Even the wine wasn't out of the ordinary. They'd been shopping on a Saturday the week before Christmas after all. No, it was the swords lying on the floor close at hand that stopped her. Theoretically, Cassie knew her mother had been a member of the fencing club at medical school, but when she'd listened to those stories she'd imagined her mother whipping about daintily with an épée or a foil, rather than the sabre sitting close at hand. The one sitting closer to Sam on the other hand was an honest-to-goodness cutlass, that looked like Sam might have prized it off an actual pirate rather than liberated it from a Sporting Goods store.

Cassie abandoned her own shopping in the hall and stepped cautiously into the kitchen. At which point her mum and Sam toasted her gleefully and began a headlong explanation of their afternoon, that seemed to necessitate neither of them letting the other finish a sentence. Eventually Cassie was able to establish that they'd had a really successful spree, had been congratulating each other on actually getting their Christmas shopping done without getting called back to base to avert an apocalypse/alien invasion for once. When a medium sized space ship had crashed into the mall and taken out the restaurant they were headed to. Tentacles may or may not have been involved.

“And then suddenly: there were pirates! Everywhere!” Exclaimed her mother waving her glass around in a distressed fashion.

“We fought them off,” Sam assured her, “and the SGC have taken them into custody and R&D are going to be really pleased with a new ship to take apart but the paperwork tomorrow...” she trailed off with a shudder and took a fortifying sip of her drink.

Janet patted Sam's arm consolingly, obviously thinking of the number of recalcitrant pirates she would have to give medicals to in the morning.

There really didn't appear much that Cassie could say to that, deciding that when it came to unexpected alien pirates in the mall, it was best to beat a hasty retreat and get her presents wrapped while the pair of them were suitably distracted.

As long as no one asked why all the rum was gone. Then Cassie would really be in trouble.
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